Surgery Nightmares

I knew it had been quite some time since posting to my blog, but I didn't realize just how long! Every few days I think of an entry to type up and never get to it.

My knee has healed okay since I tore the cartilege but I went ahead and scheduled the surgery anyhow. It's on 2/19. I have a lot of scheduling to do to get the kids sorted out. My knee feels much better but when I get too ambitious it definately creaks and snaps a lot. And sometimes it's just plain achey. I'll be glad to get the surgery over with.

This week I began having nightmares about the surgery.

Dream A:
I dreamt I was actually having two separate surgeries; one for my nose/ear or some such thing and the knee surgery. I was nervous about having two surgeries so close together. My dh took me to the surgery and I was terrified of going under the anesthia so my body was fighting it. The surgeon tried three times to get it to work.

On the flip side of being nervous about going under, I was also scared of the anestheia not working and I was going to feel everything and not be able to respond. Thankfully, I made it through the surgery okay and there are some hazy parts here. On the end note, my dh went to work and left me home all bandaged up by myself with the kids. Shortly after he left, Mia began throwing up and I remember trying to find a bucket for her while not dislodging the bandaging. I had to call dh back home to take care of us all LOL!

Dream B:
Last night was even worse. It was only the one surgery this time but instead of knee surgery I needed brain surgery. It all happened very quickly as I went to the doctor for something or other and she started talking about admitting me around 8. I freaked out thinking it was 8 the next morning when, in fact, it was 8 that night!

So I went in to this big, archaic inner-city hospital. Lots of stone and rudimentary architecture. It was gigantic and sprawling with wings and off-shoots everywhere. I was assigned to this one nurse. There were several nurses and they each had their own set of patients that were plotted out on this sheet of paper with names, diagnoses, meds, etc.

I got checked in and decided to take a walk in the hospital gown. I rambled all over and on my way back realized that the rooms were way old-fashioned and didn't have TV's. However, I believe the reason for this is that it was too expensive or else people were stealing them. I can't recall. But in any event, they had a space where they lined up those fold-out hospital chairs and had a bank of TV's. Weird.

It was around this point that I realized I was somewhat lost and couldn't remember my room number or where it was. Kind of like the dreams I have where I'm in school and can't remember my locker combination or which class I'm supposed to be in. I finally found the nurses desk with all the assignment sheets but I didn't want to read them because it was confidential information. I kept asking nurses where my room was and they were indifferent. I was getting really angry and started yelling. About this time my nurse appeared and dh showed up to rescue me. My knight in shining armour!

I hope I don't have any more of these dreams because they really increase my anxiety level; as if it wasn't high enough already. Will be glad to get this done and over with.

Torn Meniscus

Boy, it sure does stink getting old. I always feel like I'm falling apart or something's getting injured or something aches for no apparent reason.

When I was pregnant with C I twisted my knee on the stairs. I chalked it up to loose ligmanets due to pregnancy. It hurt quite a bit but eventually healed. I probably should have had it seen by a doctor but never got around to it. After some time the pain went away even though every once in a while I would step wrong and it would get out of whack for a short period of time.

I did not realize it would come back to bite me.

Last weekend I came up with this bright idea that we should have a family raking the leaves day on Sunday. Did I even get pictures? NO. I remember when I was a kid I loved leaf raking time. It was tons of fun so I just assumed my kids would love it as well.

Not! I bought bags and we all trooped out. D asked why we were wasting our time doing this because he wanted to reorganize the basement LOL! I told him it would be good for the kids and we didn't have money to pay someone else double LOL!!! The kids just whined. They were cold, they were hungry, they were tired, their legs hurt, it was boring. On and on and on. They perked up when some friend stopped by and they had contests as to who could bag the most leaves or have the biggest twig pile.

I kept tripping over stuff and it was making me mad. I seemed to find every little hole in the ground, stick to trip on or stumble on the raised tree roots. At one point I tripped on a root and felt a searing pain in my knee. Stupid me kept raking because I really wanted to get the leaves done. Finally I quit and went in to ice my knee. I figured the next day it would be better. Unfortunately, it hurt worse so off to the doctors I went.

After a brief exam and an x-ray the doctor decided I tore the cartilege on the inside of my knee, called the meniscus (sp?). He sent me for an MRI which I had done later that night. Really icky. Luckily, I didn't have to go all the way in. My follow up appointment is Tuesday, which I actually need to reschedule. Better go do that now. It's feeling so much better. I took the kids to my dad's so I can rest. It's been rather relaxing. I pick them up tomorrow. Crossing my fingers that I don't need surgery!!

This and That

Wow, what a week! I guess I shouldn't have been surprised at the turnout of the presidential election but so be it. Now, let's see where this change takes us and if we really do benefit. It was interesting on election day as a lot of people walked to the polls, including families. I don't ever recall seeing that but I'm not sure I drove around in the morning either. It started raining when I voted.

So, dh is worried I could be pg. I've been trying to get to bed earlier in hopes of getting up earlier. I seem to be more productive in the morning once I actually wake up. Plus it would be nice to be dressed, fed, etc. before DN comes for the day. So far I've been getting in bed earlier but not going to sleep much earlier. Plus I'm tired all the time from C's sleeping habits.

So dh asked if I was pg LOL! I said I hope to heaven not!!! And if I was then certain activities would be abolished from our household. HAHA! I guess I didn't make matters any better when I bought a jar of pickles the other day. However, we had them for our dinner "party" Friday evening and I wanted more. It's been so long but I grew up with sweet gherkins and sometimes you just like that good old comfort food.

Mia's making strides in school/ballet. She's been nodding in answer to questions and walking in on her own. That's some progress. She says she's going to talk when she turns four. We shall see.

Instead of trick or treating this year, the kids invited some friends over for dinner and games. For lack of a better word I called it a dinner "party" but it wasn't meant to be a Halloween party. Several families came, we had spaghetti dinner and the kids had a FAB-O time! They said it was better than trick or treating and asked if we could do that every year.

My DN has been really sick. He was in the hospital last weekend with either RSV or viral pnemonia. He was out all this week as the dr. thinks he's still contagious since he's chest congested and wheezing. I talked with my SIL today and the baby's dr. seemed to think he'll be contagious all next week as well. Oy! I feel badly that I cannot take him but as we agreed it would be a nightmare if it started going through out house. Mia seems to be at the tail end of some sort of cold virus and now Madison's starting. Hopefully it'll pass soon. My DN is feeling better with more energy and eating so that is good news. We do miss the little bugger but I'm trying to get some things done while I'm down one. Still not so easy with two little ones. I was thinking of having someone come watch them for a couple hours, dropping C off somewhere when Mia's in school or taking C to my dad's to spend one night. Can't really decide but I'm uber frustrated at not getting anything done around here and just following C around while she destroys one thing after another.

I attended an interesting LLL conference this past Sunday that was actually held at my church. I attended the seminars for newbies and hope to make some progress on my stuff. Tomorrow's the Friday meeting so we'll probably go to that. Oh, my friend with the new baby came to the LLL thing. He was soooooooooo small and sweet. I did want to hold him but was afraid of infecting him with anything. I feel melancholy about having a newborn around but know in my heart that our quiver is full. Life is good and God has greatly blessed us.

A new birth

I must say, one of my favorite "things" is a newborn. There's nothing more special than a pregnant woman and subsequently her newborn child. So new, so fresh, so unspoiled.

But there's another birth that I think usurps the specialness of a newborn babe. And that's the birth of a new creation in God's kingdom when someone gives their heart to Jesus. Some people refer to it as a "born-again" Christian.

I remember when I publicly gave my heart to Jesus some 20 years ago as a young adult. I need to dig up that photo somewhen in the house here. Man do I love digital photos on the computer. How nervewracking it is to stand up there with every eye in the church on you! But a small sacrifice to know that you are one with Christ.

Last Sabbath I think I had the best honor a mother can have. My first-born, my son publicly gave his heart to Jesus. Matthew was baptized in a beautiful ceremony by Pastor Antonio. He's taken Bible studies for the past six months or so and as a matter of fact, it turned out that it was Pastor Antonio's first baptism as well. The Pastor had asked Matthew to write why he wanted to be baptized and read it or have someone else read it. He chose to have me read it.

Okay, now it was my turn to be nervous! In the end, Matthew decided to answer for himself and I was never more proud. He's a wonderful, sensitive and caring child. So often I wonder what his birthmother thinks/feels after the passage of all this time. Does it seem like forever and a day to her? One more day that she thinks and wonders what her first-born is doing or is like? Or has she tucked the memories away only to take them out for brief moments at inconspicuous times? For me the time has flown by. I can't believe Matthew will be ten in a few months. Some days I ache to share with her how special this young boy is and what a wonderful young man he's growing to be.

I was so glad that so many of our friends and family were able to join us. Darrin's entire family came which kind of trumped mine this time since no one from my family was there. We went back to the house and had a great lunch. The kids all had a good time and it was nice to sit and chat with everyone. Food wasn't fancy but it was tasty enough and easy to prepare. Even easier to clean up!

So cheers to Matthew. I'm so proud of you and I do look forward to the man you are growing to become.

What I'm Sewing

I got a bit more sewing done this week. Last night I redid a bunch of honor patches on the sashes that I had sewn on the wrong side. The sashes are worn on the RIGHT shoulder, not the left. However, Matthew's should have been sewn on the left, since it's a second sash because he has that many honors for the past four years.

I also sewed the patches on my counselor's shirt for our Induction Ceremony this past Wednesday night. That was a real bear. First off, the patches kept migrating despite my pins, so when I was done sewing, they were crooked. Then I sewed one in the wrong place and had to remove that as well. The problem with removing the patches is that the shirt was a loose weave so I had to be ever so careful when using the seam ripper so that I didn't rip more holes in the shirt than I did. Thankfully, most of them were covered by the patches.

I actually really didn't like the shirt. I got a size up so it wouldn't be too small. Nothing like resembling a big blue sausage in front of the church. My skirt is a tad large as well since I've lost a bit of weight since I bought it. I actually really love the skirt but I guess in another 5-10 pounds I'll downsize to the navy pants. Maybe then I'll look a little more trim!

I got a wild hair and decided to sew my drawstring bags. I bought some PUL to make diapers and such from a girl in town on Craigslist. I also bought velcro and foldover elastic but I haven't used those as yet. This one print was light blue with bears and balloons. A girly print but not something I was too fond of so I decided to make drawstring bags to hold dirty diaps. I needed a couple extra so when my original diaper bag is in the laundry I still have something to put dirty diapers in. My husband has gone on complete diaper strike and hates them so I have to toe the line!

I pulled up a couple patterns on line and went to town. The first one I sewed the wrong way so it's wider than it is taller but still works. The second I started to sew the wrong way but ripped out the seams and redid it. However, I sewed two "cord" seams but only needed one since the configuration was different than the first. I tried to use a wire hanger to thread the drawstring but finally figured a safety pin was easiest. But that was only because when I was ironing the PUL, I ironed it closed in places. Who knew?

So here's a photo of the finished products. They don't function exactly what I had in mind but they'll do and I've already put them to use. They'll be great swim bags as well to hold wet swimsuits and towels and such.

Have I said how much I HEART my sewing maching? I plan to make a toss pillow cover next with some really cool brown polka dot fabric my SIL gave me. I HEART her too :)

Pregnancy and Infant Loss

October is pregnancy and infant loss month. October 15 is the day of rememberance. Lighting a candle here for my angel lost on 12/10/2003. Lighting one for my sister and her sweet angel two years ago.

Words Words Words

Charlotte has an appointment today with the linguistics lab at UMD. Every so often one of the resesarch departments call with a study for infants/small children. They are very interesting and aside from the schlepping around I enjoy them. Charlotte usually gets a free toy or book.

Today it's the linguistics lab and they sent a worksheet to fill out for how many words C says. I didn't really think she was saying all that much but apparently she has more words than I gave her credit for. She "talks" all the time with all sorts of things using proper tone and inflection. For example, she'll hold something up to me, say a few words and then end on a high note as if she's asking a question. Plus she sings in the car all the time. I love it! I figure when she really starts talking she'll start with sentences LOL!

Here are the words she can say at 17 months 5 days:
ouch, uh oh, dog, doll, banana, shoe, ow, fork, light, out, da da, mama, bye-bye, snack, thank you, that, this, down, Charlotte, Declan, Matthew, Mia.

I think her first word was Matthew, although, I didn't realize what it was at the time. Whenever he's around and then goes somewhere, Charlotte calls his name and goes looking for him. The other week when he spent time at the in-laws, she went in his room at bedtime calling and looking for him.

Brothers are very special :)